Out and about with Cheryl

I am happy to report that all is back to rights with the Libuttis... we have all stopped puking and pooping and zoning out and sleeping endlessly or not at all... and most thankfully, we have all stopped wrapping chewed gum around our legs (see previous post).

That said, we have ventured back out into the world and encountered some funny people lately: one was the sample lady at Walmart and the waitress at a restaurant.

Jenna and I were grocery shopping last week and at the end of our trip we came across a lady, moderately advanced in years, somewhat rough looking, but very pleasant, and clearly not into Health and Wellness as a personal life strategy. She kind of reflected the general population of your basic Walmart worker/shopper. This is a reconstruction of our conversation:

Lady: Do you want to try some yogurt?
Me, thinking Jenna might like to have some: Sure. I'll take the vanilla.
Lady: It helps your digestion and it REALLY WORKS. I mean it WORKS. It's MIRACLE WORKER.
Me: Wow. (Digesting both the yogurt and the copious amounts of information about her digestive tract she just laid on me.) It's good.
Lady: Looks like you have nice grapes there.
Me: Yeah, they look good. And they're cheap.
(Then ensues a whole convo about the prices at Walmart vs. other stores, etc., etc.)
Lady (now my Best Friend): Listen... they're having a sale up at the registers... (lowers her voice in a conspiratory way. I start to get a little nervous about what she's about to tell me or offer me or what exactly she's whispering to me about.) The Hershey's Special Dark candy bars are only 20 cents! Each!
Me: Wow.
Lady: So I bought ten. (Shows me her stack of candy bars.) And they're GOOD FOR YOU!!!!
Me: Wow.

I honestly didn't know what to say. Do I try to do a little nutritional education about the Special Dark? This is clearly someone who has heard in an offhand news report about the antioxidants in dark chocolate and has extrapolated that to mean that Hershey's Special Dark is a nutritional powerhouse. I mean, they're GOOD FOR YOU!

But she was so sweet and offered me more yogurt- and then proceeded to completely overflow the little plastic cup so it was spilling all over everything and it became clear she wasn't super educated about portion sizes, either. I just said, "Wow! Thanks!" and walked away, happy that I had made a new friend. In Walmart.

My next Out and About Encounter was when Dan and I went out to dinner last night. We generally are very pleasant to service staff and have good experiences. We had a waitress Nicole who was a little, well, off. It was clear she was trying to schmooze us up a little which is fine... we can play along and be friendly... but she was the type of person who says stuff and there's nowhere to go with the conversation. And she was a touch assertive for my personal taste.

So here's our conversation:
Nicole: Are you out for any special occasion?
Me: Yes, it's actually my birthday today.
Nicole: Wow! Happy birthday! (At this point it truly looked like she was about to ask me how old I was. I could feel it coming and then felt her stop herself. She turns to Dan and with more than a casual interest asks...) What did you get her?
Dan (laughing): Actually, that's a bit of a sore subject...
Me: He gave me money. But he made a nice certificate with it. I'm going to do a little shopping for myself.
Nicole (totally jumping in where I can't follow her): You know where you should go? New York City! The South ...Street Sea... PORT is having, like, a huge street fair this week.
Me: Wow. (Do you see how I tend to say that when I'm thinking of what to say?? Do I tell her I have two small children under six and I can't just jet off three hours south for a carefree day? Just thinking about the logistics alone make me cringe. I was more thinking about picking up some new lip gloss and a couple of shirts- maybe a new pair of flip flops- and I don't even know if they have that at the South Street Seaport Street Fair. Which I've never heard of. Or gone to. Or thought of going to. But instead I recover and say...) I think I'll just stick to Crossgates Mall.
Nicole: Colonie Center is actually much nicer.
Me (again, nowhere to go): Mmmm...
Nicole: Have you been to the new movie theater there yet?
Me: No, but I'm going this weekend.
Nicole (now really ramping up): Are you going to see Sex and the City???????
Me: Actually, yes, with a few friends.
Nicole (now sitting on my lap): Can I come? Can I be your friend? You should get popcorn, but not extra butter because that's gross. Do you want to share a soda??????????

Okay, I made up that last line of Nicole's... but I could feel myself physically backing away from her at this point. Just bring me my dinner and replenish our Diet Cokes, honey. That's all we need. Really. Thanks. We're good.

Wow.
Wow.
Double Wow.