Date: Easter Sunday, 2010
To: Mr. Easter Bunny (aka Cottontail, Peter)
3647 Bunny Trail
Re: Easter Baskets, 2010
Dear Mr. Bunny:
It has come to my attention by my eight year old daughter, Michaela, that you may have chosen our home to be "the last one of the night" that you visited. This was determined by said eight year old by the relatively weak contents (her words, not mine) of her Easter basket: (1) DVD of Alvin and the Chipmunks Squeakquel; (1) small-sized Russell Stover bunny rabbit, chocolate, and (7) M&M funsize packets, which she has declared that "I don't even really like."
Mr. Bunny, this is unacceptable.
We left out carrots AND ranch dip for you on our hallway table.
Everyone is aware that though Easter is actually a religious holiday that our family embraces for its holy meaning, it is clearly an opportunity to celebrate Christmas-type gift giving in April. Yes, the DVD was a nice touch, but really: no other gifts? No stuffed animals? No large chocolate rabbits? No clothing, jewelry, dolls, books, pajamas, art supplies, etc?
At least you could have brought candy that my daughter actually likes. Sure, she has several thousand dollars worth of orthodontic work in her mouth right now that limit what she can eat, but come on. Throw the kid a bone here. Or at least a peanut butter cup.
It's bad enough that her mother spent the last few weeks running around, planning and packing for five people to travel halfway across the country and back, coordinated Easter five outfits, wrote out and sent Easter cards, and attended six weeks worth of Lenten church services, all while caring for a six month old, four year old, and eight year old while also keeping the house clean and neat in case a potential buyer came along. (Rumor has it that she was crawling up in the attic at 10pm on Saturday, looking for the Easter baskets that you should have filled more generously.) We depend on you, Mr. Bunny, to pick up the slack here and a modest basket just isn't going to cut it.
Please contact your schedulers to move our house up on the list for next year. We will refrain from any further action this year, though it was disappointing, but you leave us no choice should this weak showing occur again next year.