This Would Suck So Much Less if it Wasn't On My Face: An Interview with Myself.

Q: So what's been happening this week?
A: Yesterday afternoon I had a plastic surgeon cut a two and half inch gash on the side of my face.
Q: That sounds awful. Why?
A: It WAS kind of awful.  I found out last week that I have skin cancer- a basal cell carcinoma- on my right cheek.  Yesterday I had it removed.
Q: How did you find out about the skin cancer?
A: I was at my yearly checkup with my dermatologist and she has been keeping an eye on a mole-type thing on my face.  It wasn't dark, it wasn't a pimple or a rash, just this thing that hung around for over a year on my face, never really bothering me.  It was tiny.  She took a biopsy and it turns out it is cancer.
Q: Why do you go to a dermatologist?
A: My mom had skin cancer when I was a middle schooler but has never had a recurrence, thank God.  She had the terrible kind that can kill you.  Since she had it, I am at a high risk for skin cancer, so I get to be examined from the top of my head to the tips of my toes every year.
Q: But yours can't kill you, right?
A: Right.  Just causes "tissue damage and deformity if left untreated."
Q: So it's not a big deal, right?
A: Well, right.  I have a 99% chance of being cured by yesterday's procedure, which is a very comforting statistic.  But it's still cancer, right?  But clearly it's nothing like the cancer my dad is battling.  I mean, come on.  This is trivial. But in a way it's not... now on every health history form I fill out I have to put that I have had skin cancer.  I've never had a serious health issue of any kind.  No medicines to take, no specialists (except for the dermatologist) to see.  I proudly wear the Invincible Armor of Youth.  I'm a healthy, hearty young woman.  Right?  RIGHT?  But I guess I went from having cancer to being cancer free in the space of a week. And I should be all set.
Q: It's too bad it had to be on your face.
A: Yes.  This would suck so much less if it wasn't on my face.
Q: True dat.
A: The incision is much bigger than I thought it would be. The cancer itself was about the size of a pencil eraser. But he had to cut a wound into an elliptical shape so that he could sew the two sides together into a straight line that wouldn't pucker when it's all healed.  The doctor told me, "When you are older you will have wrinkles here and no one will see your scar."
Q: Did that make you feel better?
A: No, because I am now only 38 years old and do not really have any wrinkles on my face.
Q: Did he say anything else that was funny?
A: Yes.  When he was about to start cutting, he asked, "Do you have any last words?" and I said, "Goodbye, perfect cheek.  I have loved you for 38 years..." and then the doctor said, "Okay, that's enough."
Q:  So it sounds like you've been kind of sad about this.  How have you helped yourself feel better?
A:  The 24 hours has been a Gorge Fest of Chewy Chips Ahoy, Hershey's Chocolate Eggs, "Hoarders: Buried Alive" viewing, and hours trolling Pinterest for Home Decor and Organization ideas.
Q: Has that helped?
A: A little.
Q: So what's your next steps?
A: Well, I can't bend over for a week, leaving me to squat doing laundry and loading and unloading the dishwasher, I can shower starting tomorrow, and my stitches come out next Tuesday.  I have to make another appointment with the dermatologist because I have another spot on my shoulder that I am a little concerned about.  I am feeling very hyper vigilant about my skin right now.
Q:  Anything ironic to report about this whole situation?
A: Yes. As I was being diagnosed with skin cancer, I literally was 3/4 of a month through unlimited tanning at my local salon.  I COULDN'T have planned a worse thing to be doing to my skin.  COULDN'T HAVE PLANNED IT WORSE.
Q: Were you enjoying the tanning?
A: Yes, I was. I was just starting to get a little color and not feel like a vampire. I love being warm and quiet in the booth.  It was very relaxing, but it was clearly horrifying to everyone who knew I was doing it.
Q: Do you regularly tan in a booth?
A: Absolutely not.  The last three years I have gone probably 12 times, just in February/ March to help perk me up a bit.
Q:  What does this all mean for your sun exposure from here on out?
A: Well, my sun exposure has to be kept to a minimum now and that makes me feel just plain sad.  I love sitting out in the sun, swimming and enjoying nice weather.  This is a serious change in how I spend my summer months and I am just really sad about it.  I know that I can use sunscreen and wear a hat but I will always be wondering if I am doing more damage to my skin.
Q: Well, thanks for talking to me today.
A: No problem.
Q: It sucks to get older.
A: Indeed.
Q: And clearly you are not even that old.
A: This is most certainly true.