If.....

Here is what I have learned in the last 24 hours.

If you wander into Joanne Fabrics looking for solid flannel, but only the printed flannel is on sale, your two daughters will want to pick out their own fabric and "sew something".

If your 4 year old gets one yard of fabric, your 7 year old will want two yards.

If you agree to help them, the next 24 hours of your life will be mostly consumed with guarding your children against sewing their fingers to their flannel.

If you are four and making a pillow for your doll, the only part you are really interested in is the stuffing part.

If you buy a new shirt for your 7 year old and it turns out to be too big, she will cry as though her heart was broken for a good half hour.

If you are 28 weeks pregnant, you understand the deep, deep irony of watching the tv show Obese and Pregnant at 10pm while eating a bowl of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream smothered in chocolate sauce.

If you watch too much coverage of the Michael Jackson Memorial, all night long your brain will scream at you: BUT WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO PARIS JACKSON??? ... as if YOU ALONE are responsible. Or maybe that was from the ice cream.

And most importantly:

If, while going grocery shopping at night because you can't carry food for four people up a flight of stairs anymore and you are sick of your kids begging for treats at the store, you come across Jello and you decide to make grape Jello Jigglers because it seems like a SUMMER MEMORY kind of thing to do, and your 4 year old and 7 year old want to help by pouring the powder into the boiling water, and instead of pouring, they sort of more casually TOSS it in and some of the powder falls onto a red-hot stove burner, THE JELLO POWDER EXPLODES INTO FLAMES.

Just an FYI.