While trolling the Clearance section at Walmart today, I spotted these awesome items: school folders with Chuck Norris on them. I myself am not a huge Chuck Norris fan but have heard of the really funny emails that circulate around about him which make all kinds of comparisons about him and his toughness. Apparently two of them were manufactured into these stunning folders, which read:
"Chuck Norris can bring a horse to water and can make him drink."
and
"Chuck Norris can win a staring contest with the sun."
Of course the accompanying graphics also added to the whole effect: grainy black and white pictures of Chuck, the first with him, powerful and noble, and a horse; the second with him, chin down, clearly on a mission, wearing fantastically outdated sunglasses. The words were written in big, bold, black, white and red letters, and screamed, DON'T MESS WITH CHUCK!!!
The whole thing is so cheesy and yet pokes fun of itself.
Absolutely perfect. The whole thing made my day.
All that for only 25 cents each!
...And to think I was strong enough to resist.
For a longer list of funny Chuck Norris Facts, go to: http://reviews.ebay.com/Top-100-Chuck-Norris-Facts_W0QQugidZ10000000000690883
Monday, January 12, 2009
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Because I have a platform to speak to the world.
While walking around Walmart yesterday, I passed the picture me! photography "studio" (and I use that term loosely*), which had a whiteboard hanging inside declaring this brilliant marketing-based message: Live each day as if it's your last- Take pictures!
Ok. Clearly I understand the reasoning behind writing this on the board. Perhaps one or two of my fellow Walmart shoppers would read it and think, You know, I haven't had the kids' pictures done in a while. And hey, I can get 574 pictures for about $9.99 here... maybe I will make an appointment. And anyone who knows me knows that I am a bit freakish about getting my daughters formally- and informally- photographed. So that part doesn't bother me in the least.
No, I am more irritated by the "live you day as if it's your last" part of it. I have read this in many other inspirational settings and it has always rubbed me the wrong way. Because if it were my last day, I would not be buying diapers, pasta, toilet paper and dental floss at Walmart. I would never go to the gynecologist. I would eat out every night. I would never pay any bills, Dan would never go to work, the girls wouldn't go to school, we would live in Disneyworld and only eat ice cream. The whole premise is ridiculous. Then I feel like if I'm NOT living each day as if it's my last, I've surely wasted my last day. It's so simplistic and irresponsible.
The better saying is to appreciate it day for what it is. Some days are going to be fun and rewarding; some are boring but really pretty decent; and some are just horrible and frustrating, but learning opportunities. Appreciate them all.
And that concludes my rant of the day. Thank you for reading.
*For those of you still interested, I do have a great story about the Walmart picture studio. For Jenna's first Christmas, I bought the girls matching plaid jumpers. They were really cute. Wanting to save a little cash, I booked an appointment for the Walmart picture studio to capture the cuteness forever. I got a late morning appointment; I bathed both girls, dried and styled Michaela's hair; timed Jenna's nap, fed them, bundled them up and drove down to Walmart. A very, very, very marginal person was the "photographer"-let's call her Mabel: she was loud and kind of caustic and tried to prop Jenna and Michaela on top of this high table covered in cheap carpeting and then yelled, "Come on, girls.... Smile!!!" over and over. Jenna of course burst into tears and wouldn't stop. At one point Mabel dragged out this beat up kids' tape player and put on a Disney music tape. The music was loud and distorted and horrible and Jenna cried harder and Mabel then said accusingly to me, "What? She don't like music?"
On top of all of this, the camera was digital and the way the woman explained it to me- which was either true and ridiculous or the result of her misunderstanding how the camera system worked- we would take a picture and we either saved it and that was the final picture or we had to delete it... but there was no saving pictures and reviewing five and picking the best one. It was a huge gambling game: you could get a decent picture and keep it or delete it and hope that a better one came later. So after each awful picture of my precious babies in their cute jumpers perched perilously high- Michaela trying valiantly to smile and be a good girl and Jenna crying in misery about the whole situation- I would have to look at each picture Mabel took on a small screen and make the split second decision to stop or go on and hope for a better picture.
After a while Jenna reached her breaking point so we stopped and I nursed her in the studio- add that to the list of exotic places I've nursed her- and then fell asleep for a short time while Michaela played with the sad toys nearby and when Jenna woke up we tried for a few more minutes, got a shot that Jenna was actually crying but looked like she was merely grimacing and we called it a day.
We immediately went over to my mom's and when I walked in the door, three hours after our scheduled appointment that started this whole fiasco, my mom took one look at me and said:
"I don't think I've ever seen you so... defeated."
Ok. Clearly I understand the reasoning behind writing this on the board. Perhaps one or two of my fellow Walmart shoppers would read it and think, You know, I haven't had the kids' pictures done in a while. And hey, I can get 574 pictures for about $9.99 here... maybe I will make an appointment. And anyone who knows me knows that I am a bit freakish about getting my daughters formally- and informally- photographed. So that part doesn't bother me in the least.
No, I am more irritated by the "live you day as if it's your last" part of it. I have read this in many other inspirational settings and it has always rubbed me the wrong way. Because if it were my last day, I would not be buying diapers, pasta, toilet paper and dental floss at Walmart. I would never go to the gynecologist. I would eat out every night. I would never pay any bills, Dan would never go to work, the girls wouldn't go to school, we would live in Disneyworld and only eat ice cream. The whole premise is ridiculous. Then I feel like if I'm NOT living each day as if it's my last, I've surely wasted my last day. It's so simplistic and irresponsible.
The better saying is to appreciate it day for what it is. Some days are going to be fun and rewarding; some are boring but really pretty decent; and some are just horrible and frustrating, but learning opportunities. Appreciate them all.
And that concludes my rant of the day. Thank you for reading.
*For those of you still interested, I do have a great story about the Walmart picture studio. For Jenna's first Christmas, I bought the girls matching plaid jumpers. They were really cute. Wanting to save a little cash, I booked an appointment for the Walmart picture studio to capture the cuteness forever. I got a late morning appointment; I bathed both girls, dried and styled Michaela's hair; timed Jenna's nap, fed them, bundled them up and drove down to Walmart. A very, very, very marginal person was the "photographer"-let's call her Mabel: she was loud and kind of caustic and tried to prop Jenna and Michaela on top of this high table covered in cheap carpeting and then yelled, "Come on, girls.... Smile!!!" over and over. Jenna of course burst into tears and wouldn't stop. At one point Mabel dragged out this beat up kids' tape player and put on a Disney music tape. The music was loud and distorted and horrible and Jenna cried harder and Mabel then said accusingly to me, "What? She don't like music?"
On top of all of this, the camera was digital and the way the woman explained it to me- which was either true and ridiculous or the result of her misunderstanding how the camera system worked- we would take a picture and we either saved it and that was the final picture or we had to delete it... but there was no saving pictures and reviewing five and picking the best one. It was a huge gambling game: you could get a decent picture and keep it or delete it and hope that a better one came later. So after each awful picture of my precious babies in their cute jumpers perched perilously high- Michaela trying valiantly to smile and be a good girl and Jenna crying in misery about the whole situation- I would have to look at each picture Mabel took on a small screen and make the split second decision to stop or go on and hope for a better picture.
After a while Jenna reached her breaking point so we stopped and I nursed her in the studio- add that to the list of exotic places I've nursed her- and then fell asleep for a short time while Michaela played with the sad toys nearby and when Jenna woke up we tried for a few more minutes, got a shot that Jenna was actually crying but looked like she was merely grimacing and we called it a day.
We immediately went over to my mom's and when I walked in the door, three hours after our scheduled appointment that started this whole fiasco, my mom took one look at me and said:
"I don't think I've ever seen you so... defeated."
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Short and Sweet.
I finished a fairly good book yesterday called Keeping Faith by Jodi Picoult. It was a pretty interesting book about a woman who suffered with depression as a young adult who goes through a painful divorce and at the same time her seven year old daughter starts hearing God speaking to her and performing miracles.
The author had great quotations at the beginning of each chapter and one I really loved:
Children are the anchors that hold a mother to life.- Sophocles, Phaedra
In the case of the book, it was particularly true: the only thing keeping the mom from being swallowed up into another depression was her desire to care for her daughter. But even if you don't struggle with those type of issues, I think the quote is applicable: I know that often I feel like my children ARE my life, they give it meaning, they give it purpose. They keep you real and engaged and grounded and responsible and on top of your game.
It's also a great visual of how I feel some days: sometimes that anchor is heavier than others. I could get a lot more DONE without a three and seven year old alongside to manage. But without them... surely I would drift away.
PS- Happy, happy birthday to my brother Brian!! You are loved!
The author had great quotations at the beginning of each chapter and one I really loved:
Children are the anchors that hold a mother to life.- Sophocles, Phaedra
In the case of the book, it was particularly true: the only thing keeping the mom from being swallowed up into another depression was her desire to care for her daughter. But even if you don't struggle with those type of issues, I think the quote is applicable: I know that often I feel like my children ARE my life, they give it meaning, they give it purpose. They keep you real and engaged and grounded and responsible and on top of your game.
It's also a great visual of how I feel some days: sometimes that anchor is heavier than others. I could get a lot more DONE without a three and seven year old alongside to manage. But without them... surely I would drift away.
PS- Happy, happy birthday to my brother Brian!! You are loved!
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Holiday Pictoral Essay: Part II.
For New Year's Eve, Dan and I and our good friends Judy & Bryan and Angel & Tom went out to dinner at a Japanese steakhouse. We sat at a hibachi table, which provided both food and entertainment. And almost burned my eyebrows off when the guy set the cooktop on fire.
My peeps
You should have heard us explain to the girls the next day that Daddy ate raw fish. ("Was it DEAD?" Jenna asked, completely perplexed.)
The boys' appetizer: sashimi
A perfect way to ring in 2009.
And much better than the New Year's Eves of my youth, in which my parents would say, Why stay up? It's already the New Year somewhere in Europe. I'm going to bed.
Toothless Wonder.
The two funny parts of this are that Jenna literally kicked the tooth out of Michaela's mouth this morning ("Mommy- we were wrestling each other and Jenna kicked me in the mouth by accident and I felt something moving around in my mouth and guess what? It was my TOOTH!" was the official story I was told) and that Michaela has spent the day singing, All I want for Valentine's Day is my two front teeth; my two front teeth...
Jenna, meanwhile, is once again troubled that a mythical creature will come into their room... AGAIN... while she's sleeping. She asked me tonight, "Where does the Tooth Fairy live?" and at 9:40pm, I just didn't have a good answer nor the energy to figure out what would relieve her anxiety. "That's a good question," I said, "probably not too far from here."
Like somehow a local Tooth Fairly is less intimidating than one from downstate.
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